Friday Night Lights
It seems to me that summer is coming early this year. Starting on Leap Day 2012, the weather around here has been ferocious. We’ve gone from hot, sunny days to fierce spring storms, back to hot, sunny days.
I’m not gonna lie, the children may or may not have played outside too long yesterday and gotten a little bit of a sunburn. And I may or may not have stayed awake half the night fretting over the ‘rebellious nephew problem’ coupled with the sunburn problem and seriously regretted it this morning.
It got me thinking about a “simpler time”- last fall. Of course, that’s entirely a matter of perspective because even then we had Little Miss’ problems (cerebral palsy), and the baby’s problems (a multicystic dysplastic kidney and severe lactose intolerance) to worry about. It seemed simpler, and that’s what mattered.
The girls were cheering and the boys were playing football. We were at practice three times a week and spent our weekends at the football stadium. That, coupled with our regular schedule, meant a huge scale back on the workload during school time.
There was a lot of relaxing, a lot of down time, and a lot of just plain fun.
My stress level was so low! I almost can’t remember what it felt like to be that chilled!
Not that it’s the children’s fault; It’s the natural course of life, things change and change is difficult.
That doesn’t mean that I can’t wish it came easier.
My children have begun to ease into a new routine with new expectations since we’ve been regulars at LifeSkills. Bubby’s reading is improving by leaps and bounds. He actually spent the evening taking care of his twin because she (may or may not have) gotten sunburned yesterday. Ninny is developing confidence in her abilities as a student. They’ve both seriously lessened their angry outbursts. (Even though they are still way more frequent than I’d like.) Sissy continues to amaze me with her lack of a real need for me to instruct her at: that child is a sponge! The Littles are the Littles, and as long as I can keep the two monkeys from jumping off the roof (while the other one eggs it on), I feel accomplished.
My stress right now comes from an older source: my nephew. I have come so very close to telling him this week he has to move out… I feel like it’s on a continuous track in my head. He’s 19 and I don’t feel like I should be having to fight the battles that I’m fight on a daily basis: he insists on jumping from girl to girl, cheating on the girl he has pregnant, in front of my children. He breaks all the rules I lay down. He’s disrespectful to my husband and myself. He came here because his mother couldn’t stand his attitude and actions any more and I didn’t want to see him on the street.
I’m almost past that point.
He and my husband almost came to blows last night. He went with them to the YMCA, supposedly to cheer on the kids as they took their swim test, and ended up sneaking off the property with his latest flame. I’ve been telling him for three weeks that I didn’t want her anywhere near my children and I didn’t want him using our membership at the Y for a free date with her. Then he brought her to our van and kissed her in front of the kids. When they got home, Ninny almost immediately asked me why he was kissing that girl when she’s not his fiancé.
How do you explain that to an eight year old?!?
“Oh sweetie, he’s just a man-whore. Stay away from that kind of man!” That’s the truthful explanation but it’s not the one a child needs to hear.
When my husband confronted him about it, he threw the equivalent of an adult fit: he sulked up, started cussing, and telling the hubs to get out of his f-n face before he beat it in.
(First of all, they were outside away from the children and the windows in the dark when all this happened, lucky for him because I don’t tolerate that behavior or language around the children. Secondly, I’m not too worried about him actually trying to hit my husband: he’s pretty well versed in Jujitsu, mixed martial arts, and boxing and he’s in darn good shape and the nephew has admitted many times to me that he’s terrified of actually following through with any of those threats. Thirdly, the hubs wasn’t in his face until the nephew started trying to push him.)
My husband was mostly upset about him not acting like an adult and not being willing to sit down and talk like a man. I was mostly upset because it’s just one more night that my husband has had to devote away from me and the children to deal with the drama, and it’s the second of these blow-ups we’ve had in less than a week.
Part of me wants to say that my nephew needs it. He’s been shuffled back and forth between his parents who couldn’t be worse examples if they tried. They were too worried about their own selfish pursuits to focus on what was best for their children. I want to help him.
The growing majority of me is just fed up and wants him out.
I don’t know what is the right thing to do. If he leaves here, he literally has no where to go and no one who will take him in. I just don’t know if that would be an entirely bad thing; make him make his own way, so to speak. If he leaves here, he loses his job (he works for my husband) too because he doesn’t have his own vehicle to make it back and forth to work.
I don’t know that there is a right or wrong answer to this one. The stress is killing me though. I’m just wishing for simple days of school, practice, games, and doctor appointments…